Sunday, December 02, 2007

Praise the Lord

Well I finally dragged myself to the doc, amidst much kicking and screaming. That was November 20. Thanx to all the prayer and God's help I was able to stay calm. I absolutely did NOT want to go. In fact besides the gyno I have not been to a doctor since I was 15 years old. As alot of you know my parents dying back to back a few years ago and then my ex passing on just a few months ago really took it's toll on me. I am a very strong person but sometimes it is just too much all at once.

I am actually surprised I didn't have a break down but I think it is cause I want so much to remain in control and to be strong. I think I internalized it. I also wonder if losing alot of weight has affected me. As in I used to turn to food when I was stressed. Now I don't.

Yes I do turn to God and my dh. Them and all the prayers from family and friends are the only thing that has gotten me thru. Thank you, everyone.

Anyhow I am doing everything I can food wise especially when I start to feel my b.p. go up. The sad thing is the food I eat is normally pretty healthy as is, I add no salt, I eat lots of fruit and veggies, whole grains, I walk 60-80 minutes 5 days a week, etc, lots of water, I keep treats to a minimum.

I usually just try to find healthier ways to eat food I love as in chicken tacos, not fried, with spanish brown rice and fresh salsa, easy on the cheese.

Lean meats, yogurt, walnuts, beans. We use fresh and frozen fruits and veggies and rarely do I use canned goods. Usually tomato sauce and paste.

When I started feeling light headed the first thing I did was drastically watch the food, as in just the basics, beans, yogurt, walnuts, fish, just real simple, fruit, veggie, real plain. For months now I have been very focused on getting enough potassium and watching the calcium and more recently realized that magnesium is "nature's calcium channel blocker". ugghhh I could go on.

But food is NOT my problem, neither is the salt intake. My dh has been telling me for months it is the stress. I know it was. But to what extent? Then every time you turn around you are reading that if the b.p. is high then there is something wrong with your body. Don't get me started with that and all the "possibilities".

I think it first started reading a little high when the court stuff with my ex hit. Then it just got worse from there with the stress, then he passed on young. 35. Besides the fact this is someone I was once very close to and still cared about despite the way he treated me and the kids, I didn't want to see that happen to him. KWIM?

It also scared the heck out of me. He also had high blood pressure. I also found out he had diabetes. Guess what both my parents did to. The more I read to see what I could do to get the b.p. down, the more scared I became.

My parents dying 2.5 and 3 years ago is what inspired me in the first place to get this extra weight off and really focus on being healthy.

The "light headed" feeling really scared me and I knew I HAD to go. With alot of prayer and help from God I made myself go to the docs and told myself that if there was something wrong with me then I was obviously not getting any better sitting here doing nothing. That maybe it would be treatable.

Joe and I went that Tuesday and waited for 4 hours. I was actually feeling really clear headed that day. By the time I got in there though I was extremely panicked and scared. my mom spent her whole entire life in the docs office it seemed. By the time she was in her 30's she was on 13 different meds. And all I seen was her get sicker.

I am really freaked about taking ANY meds. I also am very leery of b.p. meds in particular, I have also heard that they work in only 20% of cases and that they may CAUSE diabetes!

But we prayed. I prayed that God would help the doc and us to come to a solution for me hopefully w/out b.p. meds. That I had to realize that maybe temporarily til I lose the rest of the weight I need to lose I may have to go on them. I do know people like that. Who go on them temp.

I was so worked up by the time I got in there that my b.p. was 151/110! Imagine how much fun it was telling the doc that both my parents were diabetic, both had high b.p., my mom had hepatitis and both of them are dead now. My mom at 52, dad at 65.

You see what bugs me is some people think it is hereditary. I do not think so. I believe it is a disease caused by a learned behavior. Basically mom and dad eat unhealthy, are fat, don't exercise, etc. Guess what the kid is most likely to do? Mom and dad watch what they eat, eat healthy, exercise guess what the kids do?
It is simple. Oh by the way, my moms parents were not diabetic and neither were my dads. ;)

This is also why I didn't want to go to the docs and have them try to label me. I know they are "experts" in their field and all but they are not God.

I tryed to explain that my b.p. is high cause I am stressed, 3 people very close to me have died in the last 3 years and in addition to that I am scared what if I am next?

Yes I know God does not want us to be afraid. I have read the scriptures over and over again. I have read the ones about God healing us and I do believe he does. I also believe he set this up for me to face my fear cause this has been nagging me in the back ground ever since my parents passed on. I just kept working on the weight and kept telling myself when I reached my goal I would go to the docs office though and get a clean bill of health. But all the fears and the what if's? all came crashing down on me front and center when my ex passed on.

I have also been reading lately that weight loss surgery patients, (I am NOT one) when the weight is gone, their diabetes is gone. I do believe that. I do believe that once they get down to a healthy weight that terrible disease is gone. As long as their body hasn't been completely damaged. I asked the doc if he could verify this and he agreed with me and said yes in many cases, but it depends on what else may be wrong.

That was a HUGE relief to me to know that he also shared that belief. I think that is when I began to realax. He prescribed b.p. pills and I asked if I would be able to take them for a few months and when more of this weight is gone if I could get off of them. He wasn't so sure about that. :( THAT really bugged me! But I reminded myself that God was in control and that I was going to seriously listen to what the doc said.

He wanted me to go in on Wed for blood testing.

So we went to the waiting room and sat and relaxed and the nurse came and wanted to do the b.p. reading again, I was like, okay, wasn't expecting it. Guess what, it read 120/82!!!!!! I thought she was kidding!!! No she wasn't.

I ran and told the doc,"You see, I told you I don't have a b.p. problem. I have an anxiety problem if there is any way we can do this w/out the pills..." He said, "We'll see how it goes, but I want to give you something. Can I give you something for anxiety?"

My Aunt and I had already discussed that on the phone before as maybe a "temporary" thing so I was open to it, I almost said no but said yes. Whew!!!!

No I don't want to stay on that either. But for some reason I am fighting with every ounce of my being to not be on ANY b.p. med!

Tomorrow will be two weeks on this and with the exception of a few flare ups here and there due to having to go back to the docs on Friday last week and being a bit anxious over the test results I have been doing good. i know I would of really been freaking out without this med while waiting.

Okay so we went in Friday and praise the Lord there is NO DIABETES!!! NO hepatitis, NO thyroid problem, NO liver or kidney problem, NO cancer!!! The cholesterol is up though. I do feel with me continuing to eat healthy and exercise and get more weight off I should be okay on that front.

I was a little nervous going in for the results apt but got a heads up from the nurse two days prior so I knew it was just cholesterol. I made it very clear to her on the phone on Wed I really needed to know that I wasn't diabetic. I was actually worried about having a heart attack if I had to wait 2 more day knowing they wanted to see me to discuss the test.

The b.p. reading when I went in that day was 130/84. A little up but not dangerously so. The nurse told me if you just stay calm you won't need b.p. meds! I really feel getting all this behind me is going to be a huge relief. I know it is. It already is. Praise the Lord! This is why God tells us not to worry, cause of what it can do to you. I know all this but sometimes it is easier said then done.

Thanx to all who prayed for me!!! *BIG HUGZ*


Anonymous said...

Hi Jaz,

This sounds like an anxiety problem that many women go through at the beginning of menopause. Also, some doctors run tests to see if you're going through it, it comes back negative, meanwhile, the anxiety keeps happening, and at random times, I might add.

Are you experiencing night sweats or hot flashes by any chance? Even though the test results show that I'm not going through the change, I know full well I am, as both my dearly departed mother and my sister went through the same things as I am going through now when they went through the change.

Glad to hear everything is ok with you- hang in there. So sorry for all of your losses- that can wreak havoc on a body as well.

Audrey, aka Steelslady from 3FC

Jasmine's Journey said...


Thank you for reading that and taking the time to respond. :)

I don't think I am going thru menopause. I will be 33 in a week or so. I would have to ask the women in my family exactly when but it is I believe in their mid 40's.

No night sweats or hot flashes. How old are you if you don't mind my asking? Or general age group. 30's? 40's?

Thank you for the condolences. We do believe the losses, the fear, and the stress is what is behind it. I don't think I mentioned in this post but there was also a very bitter divorce going on when both my parents passed on between my ex and I. I tried to part amicably and on good terms but he wanted none of it.

It was very, very ugly. He even sent cops to my door the day we were burying my mom and threatened to cut my dads other foot off. He had lost one due to being diabetic. He also called my brother and threatened to hunt him and all his kids down and kill everyone. I could go on, but I won't. I am sure you get the picture.

I didn't even have time to take a breath between all that. Then custody was settled and he got every other weekend and we didn't hear from him for one month shy of a year! I almost filed abandonment charges. I was actually glad to not hear from him.

Then last dec. his sis got ahold of us and started coming to get the kids for him and we have remained in touch but unfortunately he could not be a positive influence in their lives and he had surgery on his heart in Dec 06'. But as soon as he was up and moving around he was back in court filing for custody again.

My eldest dd who is now 14.5 wanted to go with him! :( I won't go into detail but he got very ugly again. The court still did not give him custody, nor did they give him any more than the every other weekend, thank God. But we were supposed to go back AGAIN to mediation in September. All this really wears a person down.

In August he passed on very unexpectedly. It was a surprise and dare I say a relief as well? So many mixed emotions and feelings. Then the guilt comes and I have to remind myself of what happened and why, etc. I guess in my head I always thought when we were older and he wasn't so hateful and bitter we could meet up and be civil, ya know? I don't know.

The one thing that gets me thru is knowing that no matter how bad it got I kept praying for him. That wasn't easy but I did it.

Then on top of all that who loses 3 people that close to them in that short of a period of time.

My Aunt had trouble with her blood pressure about 2 years ago when she was in a highly stressful job. Then she was laid off and it compiled. She was able to get that under control and I recently found out she had to wind up going on lexapro, an anti anxiety med.

So that is where I am at and things are getting back to normal. I just need to persevere and continue to get the rest of this weight off. Thanx for listening!